Motherhood is a time of immense stress, which can also lead to immense personal growth. You’re suddenly immersed in a new culture. The old you needs to be integrated into the new “mommy” and “partner” version of yourself. You may struggle with feeling overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, experiencing ‘baby blues’, or noticing changes in your body. The relationship with your partner changes as well, or you may be doing it all on your own. Your career, financial/employment situation, and personal goals may shift. Finally, your relationships with others change. Whether you’re pulling away from your friends, they resent that you’re spending more time with your baby, or they don’t understand why you’ve changed so much, and your family gives unsolicited advice on how to raise your child while ignoring your boundaries. If you’re depressed or overwhelmed, it may even feel impossible to ask for help or hold boundaries because you’re so sleep-deprived and sad. The isolation of motherhood can be unbearable.
Not only can I help you manage these feelings, but I can also help if you’re struggling with disappointment or even depression that your relationship with your partner isn’t what you expected. Especially if they’re over-using substances to cope, avoiding responsibility, dealing with their own depression, or affecting your physical and mental recovery. It can be incredibly isolating.
Is he refusing to get up for nightly feeds? Still going to the bar with his friends? Claiming you’re overreacting and that everything you’re doing (i.e., balancing sleepless nights, chronic guilt, exhaustion, breastfeeding challenges, work, and self-care) is a “normal” expectation of women or birthing people? If over-use of substances is increasing, he may be sleeping all day, gossiping about you to his family, saying you’re “dramatic,” or even putting you and your child in unsafe situations.
The change to motherhood could result in you suddenly deciding that the things you tolerated before are no longer okay. Or, you may feel guilt that you’re still people-pleasing others when you know it’s not fair to your child. You may feel totally overwhelmed and unable to act due to anxiety and depression. You may worry about “abandoning” your partner or family. You may suddenly realize that what you experienced growing up was actually child abuse or neglect. Or you may feel you can no longer tolerate your narcissistic family members because now you have to set a good example for your child.
The journey to and through motherhood can be profoundly beautiful, but equally heartbreaking and earth-shaking. If you would like expert, compassionate guidance through this process, contact me today. I have been through many of these things and can help you find your own inner compass again and make tough choices if that’s what’s needed to feel joyful and secure again. Identifying and holding boundaries can be difficult at first, but like a muscle, your ability grows. We can work to find a pathway that feels aligned with your goals and values, and I will support you every step of the way. Contact me today.
