Are you struggling with anxiety every time you see your parent(s) calling? Some people even find themselves holding their breath on a day-to-day basis because, despite doing everything they could to make their life easier, their parents continue to abuse drugs or alcohol. Many times, high-achieving women are known as the “joker”, “golden child,” “black sheep,” or “lone child” in their family. No matter what they do, it seems like an inescapable role. It can be incredibly isolating, not to mention disorienting, every time you toggle back and forth between “healthy” relationships outside your family and family get-togethers.

You may have resumed contact with your family after a long period of estrangement because they decided to get sober or are aging and need additional care. You may be incredibly anxious, always “waiting for the other shoe to drop”.

In this situation, it is common to struggle with recurrent or chronic anxiety, panic, dissociation, and depression. It may feel impossible to help them, yet equally impossible to let them make their own choices without giving your opinion (to their chagrin or dismissal). Some days you feel overwhelmed with resentment, while other days, you can’t stop crying from worry. Unfortunately, this is normal for many ACoAs.

My goal in therapy is to help you build healthier, more peaceful relationships with your family through calm and effective communication. There are also healthier ways to use distance—to periodically reduce communication and gain resilience and perspective—regardless of the choices they continue to make. You may feel like they’re incapable of hearing you—and you might be right (due to their addiction, or family dynamics that arose from stress management and are common in addicted families). It is rare that addiction doesn’t profoundly impact all family members via overfunctioning, underfunctioning, gossip, triangulation, and estrangement.

Instead of arguing, there may be other ways to get your point across and make headway in the relationship. Let’s explore this together. Please also reach out if you want to discuss how I might be able to help you get to where you want to be with your parents.