I used to think my therapy fee was too high. Here’s what changed — and why investing in yourself can transform your life and relationships.

Are you balking at my fee?
If so, I’m right there with you.

Are you surprised? I’ll level with you — that’s my style as a therapist. It’s only recently that I realized my fee was worth it.

For a long time, I didn’t believe it myself. I used to read all the advice: “You have to believe you’re worth it. Invest in yourself. Do the mindset work. Fake it ‘til you make it.”

And yet, even when my coach showed me kindness, I thought she was full of it. So if you’re skeptical reading this, I get it. You might even be a little angry — maybe at me for charging what I charge, or thinking I sound like a jerk.Because maybe you get angry when other people tell you they have needs that are at odds with yours. Maybe that’s why you stayed in that relationship or kept taking crap from your mom without saying anything — because you felt too guilty to have needs of your own. You told yourself you should sacrifice, because she’s always messed up and needs a break.

But you were slowly disappearing. And anger was the only emotion that felt right — because change or sadness felt too overwhelming, like it might swallow you whole. And then you couldn’t overfunction or people-please anymore — at least not without more antidepressants. (Not that I can relate, haha.)

Because yes — this article is my attempt to market to you. But it’s also the truth. And the truth is the only way I know how to operate.

The Year I Burned Out (and the Lesson It Taught Me)

For the past year, I’ve been wrestling with imposter syndrome. When I used to accept insurance, I sometimes made $30 per session. My schedule was packed with 25–35 clients a week. I was exhausted, resentful, and felt guilty charging cancellation fees — because don’t we all deserve some empathy, especially from our therapist?

But through coaching and time, I started to realize something:
I wasn’t just burnt out. I was angry.

And that anger — the resentment, the guilt, the exhaustion — was covering up something much deeper.

Underneath, I was running on old trauma. I had become a lifelong people-pleaser with guilt about having needs, shame about resentment, and fear of disappointing others. I couldn’t stop overfunctioning. I saw myself in my clients — the ones trying to fix their addicted partner, adult child, or parent who refuses help, while losing themselves in the process.

Maybe you’re angry too — at your loved one who won’t take care of their health, or keeps breaking promises, or seems to drag everyone down with them. But beneath that anger might be something else: the belief that you don’t deserve peace, or that you wouldn’t even know how to achieve it if you tried.

Investing in Myself (Even When I Didn’t Feel “Worth It”)

This year, I spent $15,000 on coaching.
It took me over a year to save it, and I signed that contract with a shaking hand.

But something interesting happened. I didn’t invest because I suddenly believed I was worth it. I invested because I wanted to become someone who did. And honestly? Part of me did it because I tend to go all in or give up completely — and that’s a trauma response. Do the hard thing and shut my eyes. People-please and shut my eyes. But something different happened for me this year: I was forced to practice distress tolerance — to sit in the mess, not bolt or overperform. It surprised me.

It forced me to stay through the ups and downs, the doubts, and the fear that I wouldn’t make it as a business owner. It even forced me to face times when I wanted to cut someone off — because that’s often how we protect ourselves when vulnerability feels too dangerous.

And that’s what therapy with me offers, too — not just a place to believe in your worth before you feel it, but a space to practice becoming the grounded, confident, peaceful version of yourself.

What You’ll Actually Get Working With Me

When you invest in therapy with me, here’s what I can tell you you’ll receive — not as marketing copy, but from lived experience:

1. I can handle you being frustrated, angry, or skeptical of me.
Because I get it. I’ve been there too. You might think, “She’s charging too much,” or, “Who does she think she is?” — and that’s okay. We can name that. I know what it’s like to feel resentful of someone who sets limits. And while I can’t guarantee you’ll get the exact same things I did from my own process, I know you’ll get something extremely valuablefrom this one.

2. You’ll learn to have hard conversations that strengthen your boundaries.
You might feel unsure whether the cost of therapy is “worth it.” We can talk about that directly. In fact, I welcome it. Because learning to voice discomfort with someone you might offend — kindly and clearly — is part of what heals you. That practice builds assertiveness and confidence in all your relationships. I told my coach how uncomfortable I felt, and I lived to tell the tale. I had to continually ask myself how to be truer to myself — even when I didn’t know if she could handle it or would hold it against me. Spoiler alert: I can. And having tough conversations and regulating your emotions through them is the only way you can learn the skill. Better to learn it with someone safe than with people still mired in dysfunction — where you’ll end up doubting yourself and never getting the practice you need. Baby steps.

3. You’ll work with a therapist who isn’t operating from burnout.
I don’t see 25–35 clients a week anymore. I work with a small caseload — usually around 10–12 people — so I can be emotionally present and clear-minded with you. You’re not getting a therapist running on fumes; you’re getting someone who walks the same walk she teaches: pacing herself, setting limits, and staying grounded.

4. You’ll experience therapy that models healthy self-investment.
I’ve watched peers — amazing, empathic therapists — charge too little, overwork, develop chronic illnesses, and lose touch with their families. A few of them even died — some colleagues, some clients. Healing is not a joke. I no longer believe that giving until we’re empty makes us “good people.” We can’t give to others more than we’ve given to ourselves and expect to stay sane, loving, or stable.

When I invest in myself, I’m modeling what I’ll ask you to do — to stop waiting until you feel worthy, and instead practice worthiness through small, tangible actions that say, “My well-being matters.” And by the time we’re done working together, you’ll be modeling that for yourself too.

5. You’ll get therapy rooted in Bowen Family Systems Theory — not quick fixes.
Bowen Theory is all about self-differentiation — the ability to stay in emotional contact with others without losing yourself. Most of us manage anxiety by controlling or rescuing others instead of calming ourselves.

Our work together will help you stop managing everyone else’s emotions so you can live more in line with your own goals, ethics, and values. Whether it’s managing your addicted child, rescuing your partner, or trying to keep your family “together,” I’ll help you slow down, stay centered, and take small steps toward your own clarity and peace.

6. You’ll strengthen distress tolerance and learn to stay when it’s uncomfortable.
Just like I had to stick with my year-long coaching contract — through doubt, fear, and frustration — therapy helps you do the same internally. You’ll learn to tolerate not knowing what’s next, to stop needing to “fix it” immediately, and to trust that you can survive discomfort without abandoning yourself or others.

7. You’ll make a commitment that keeps you accountable to yourself.
Paying privately can feel uncomfortable — but that discomfort can also anchor your growth. It forces you to show up, stay present, and treat your sessions as sacred time. It’s not about proving your worth to me — it’s about proving it to yourself. You’re making a commitment that’s setting you up for success.

A Parallel Process: We Grow Together

As therapists, many of us start out without great boundaries. We learn alongside our clients how to take up space, ask for what we need, and stop over-functioning. Therapy with me is a parallel process — I evolve as you evolve. I’m not perfect, but I’m deeply committed to this work because it continues to heal me too.

So, if you’re unsure whether my fee is worth it — that’s okay. Let’s talk about it. The very act of having that conversation can begin your healing.

Ready to Take a Step?

If you’re curious about what it might feel like to work together, I offer a free 15-minute consultation. You don’t have to commit — just take a step toward yourself.

👉 www.calendly.com/aylathetherapist

You deserve to build a life that isn’t controlled by someone else’s chaos — one that feels peaceful, grounded, and fully your own. Whether your loved one changes or not, you can.